She Said What?! The Best Responses to Sexist Remarks

Plus -- We won! We won!

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I like to balance serious cultural commentary with lighter, easily accessible content. Today’s Substack falls into the latter category—but that doesn’t make it any less important.

Growing up female means enduring constant sexist commentary—whether it’s demeaning and dismissive, like attributing your feelings to PMS; intrusive, like men telling you to smile as if they own your body; or undermining your competence, like when someone calls you bossy. These tiny psychological paper cuts add up and become festering wounds of self-doubt.

The old Run Like a Girl Commercial beautifully (and tragically) illustrates how harmful stereotypes shape self-perception. In it, older kids and young adults interpret “like a girl” as an insult, associating femininity with weakness. But when young girls are asked to run, fight, or throw like a girl, they do it with confidence and determination.

So often girls (and let’s be real, all of us) freeze and don’t know what to say in response to demeaning comments. Girls tell me they feel shut down and humiliated which makes it hard to come up with a response in the moment. Or they respond in a way that reinforces the accusation. That’s not their problem, but as I pointed out in Cat(caller) Got Your Tongue?, research shows that being prepared for sexism can help girls feel more confident in their interactions with others. Having some comebacks in their back pocket is empowering and may stop stop girls from internalizing the negativity. And they’re not just comebacks. They’re also a useful way of teaching girls what sexism looks like.

As the only girl in a family of boys, I was often labeled “too sensitive.” It wasn’t until I was in graduate school that I finally had a good comeback. I mentioned in a paper for my developmental psychology class that I’d been accused of overreacting when I felt demeaned. The professor scribbled in the margin, “That’s what people say to talk girls out of their feelings!” I swear, the storm clouds parted.

In the spirit of ensuring no girl has to wait until graduate school to recognize sexism, set boundaries, and challenge stereotypes with wit, confidence, and intelligence, I’ve put together a list of comebacks for the frustrating and insulting remarks girls often hear. My hope is that they grow up knowing that being "like a girl" is a symbol of strength, resilience, and capability. Feel free to share this with a girl in your life—or, if you're feeling extra ambitious, turn them into flashcards!

Physical Appearance & Body Commentary:

"Why don't you Smile more?"

• "Because I'm human, not a doll."

• "I save my smile for people who earn it."

• "As if I exist to decorate your life."

"Trying to be sexy with all that skin showing?"

• "Yeah, something wrong with liking my body?"

• "Nope, just dressing for the weather."

• "Strange to assume my outfit is about you."

• "Trying? Sweetie, I don't have to try!"

• "What I wear isn't an invitation for your commentary."

“You’re too pretty to be smart.”

• “Lucky for you, I’m breaking stereotypes one brilliant thought at a time.”

“Your body, my choice.”

• "If I wanted your opinion on my body, I'd... actually, no scenario where that happens"

• "Did your moral compass come with a return policy?"

• "That's an interesting way to say you don't understand basic human rights."

• “Still haven’t learned that kindergarten lesson — hands to yourself, huh?”

Athletic Ability & Physical Competence:

"You run like such a girl"

• "Run a little faster and you can too"

• "Maybe you should take notes"

"He plays like a girl."

• "Oh, you mean he's fast and strategic?"

• "If playing like a girl means being strong, skilled, and determined, then yeah, I see your point"

• "You mean he plays like someone who works hard and proves stereotypes wrong?"

"Can you even park that car?"

• "Better than you can park that outdated attitude"

• "Why? Need some lessons?"

Emotional Expression & Behavior Policing:

"You're so emotional."

• "You must mean passionate, so thank you!"

• "At least I'm in touch with my feelings. What's your excuse?"

• "Yeah, it's called caring. You should give it a shot."

• "I'd rather be free to express my emotions than be repressed."

"Such a drama queen!"

• "Is it drama, or are you just uncomfortable with someone standing up for themselves?"

• "I prefer 'leading lady,' but thanks for the compliment!"

• "Just being real, but I know that can be hard for some people to handle."

• "You're right. Because expecting basic respect is so dramatic."

"You can't take a joke." or "Lighten up!"

• "If that was a joke, I hope you’re not planning a career in comedy"

• "If your jokes require me to laugh at my expense, I'm good, thanks"

• "I'm perfectly light, just not interested in trivializing important things."

• "Get some new material!"

Leadership & Authority:

"Why are you so bossy?"

• “Oh, do you mean confident enough to ask for what I want?”

• "Isn't it funny how leadership looks so different when a girl does it?"

• "Would you say that to a guy?"

"Who made you the boss?"

• "My competence did, actually."

• "The same thing that made you uncomfortable - my leadership skills."

• "Would you say that to a guy?"

"You're being aggressive."

• "Funny how confidence looks like aggression when it comes from a woman"

• "You say aggressive, I say assertive - let's call the whole thing leadership"

• "I prefer 'effectively communicating my expectations'."

• "Would you say that to a guy?"

"You should try being nicer.”

• "You should try focusing on the message instead of the delivery.”

• "I aim for clarity, not comfort"

• "Would you say that to a guy?"

Biological Stereotyping:

"Geez, are you on your period or what?"

• "Nope, just allergic to nonsense"

• "Wow, imagine blaming biology for your inability to handle me."

• "Actually, I'm just like this when I'm tired of outdated stereotypes."

• "Do you always use periods as an excuse to dismiss women, or is this just a special occasion?"

"Women are too hormonal to be in leadership positions."

• "Funny how being human is only a problem when it's women"

• "Because testosterone isn’t a hormone, right?"

• "I'd rather be hormonal than judgmental"

Gender Role Confinement:

"Get back in the kitchen!"

• "Funny, I didn't realize the kitchen was where brilliant ideas come from."

• "I'm too busy running the world to be confined to one room."

• "Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of me shattering glass ceilings."

"A woman's place is at home" Or "Real men are breadwinners, not stay-at-home dads"

• "Imagine limiting human potential to a single role."

• "The 1950s called - they want their outdated opinions back."

• "Thanks for the career advice from last century."

“You’re not like other girls.”

• “Umm…what exactly is wrong with other girls?”

• "I know, right? Funny how we’re all wonderfully unique.”

• "Wow, it’s almost like women aren’t a monolith."

• "That’s insulting. Girls are amazing!"

Share the most ridiculous sexist comments you’ve gotten in the comments section—bonus points if you’ve got a great comeback to add to the list!

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We Won! We Won!

I am beyond thrilled to announce that Sexism & Sensibility is a multi award winner! It was the first runner up in the category of Best New Nonfiction Book By a Chicagoan AND, based on the book, I won Best Nonfiction Writer for The Reader’s Best of Chicago. WAIT, There more—and this is huge—Sexism and Sensibility won the MindValley People’s Choice Award. So many of you have helped take this little book by a debut author and turn it into a book that is getting noticed. Thank you for reading my writing, subscribing to my newsletter, telling friends about S&S and, of course, voting for me! WE did this together!

Buy or gift my book Sexism & Sensibility: Raising Empowered Resilient Girls In The Modern World