The “catcalling” situation I will never be able to forget: I was walking onto a plane, when a man sitting in an aisle seat told me I should smile. I looked at him and did not smile, then it ended up I was seated right next to him across the aisle. I didn’t say anything to him, I just didn’t smile, but he bristled and defensively said “lighten up, I’ve said it to other people and they’ve smiled.” He proceeded to say it to at least three more times—to younger, femme women only, of course—who all did sort-of smile while laughing uncomfortably (in my interpretation).
Despite it being a relatively tame interaction, compared to the other aggressive and lewd “real” catcalling experiences I’ve had in my life, I’ve never so viscerally felt how men feel they own women’s bodies. (As compared to other verbal-only harassments, to be clear.) That day, my mother was getting a double mastectomy because of cancer; she was literally going into surgery around the time the flight was boarding. I was anxious. I was grieving. I did not want to smile. Yet this man told me I should lighten up, knowing nothing about me or the other women he was asking to smile for his own pleasure. I wanted to tell him off, but I knew that there was no way I wouldn’t cry. And I didn’t want to become the “hysterical woman.” So I just sat next to him in silence for three hours, and then went to care for my mother.
Thanks for your great posts. I just found you this morning, and am happy to be now subscribed!
I still remember when I was about 12 and was crossing a school yard by myself when a young man sped by on his bike and felt my breast! I was angry, fearful and never forgot the experience! Cynthia G.
When I moved from Texas to New York in my twenties, I was STUNNED by the level of catcalling I received. I thought I had moved to a blue state liberal haven and yet I didn't feel safe. I also witnessed so many girls and women -- especially of color -- get harassed, too. (I need to write an essay about it.) I had some truly terrifying experiences. It's one of those reasons I live in Texas again.
Wow that’s wild and interesting when you put it like that. I’d love to read about it and hear your understanding of why there was/is such a difference.
I think some of it is simply a population density thing and everyone walking to get somewhere, versus being in a car a lot more here. But it might also be a recent immigrant thing - as in, it's accepted where they're from and they bring it w/ them to NYC.
The “catcalling” situation I will never be able to forget: I was walking onto a plane, when a man sitting in an aisle seat told me I should smile. I looked at him and did not smile, then it ended up I was seated right next to him across the aisle. I didn’t say anything to him, I just didn’t smile, but he bristled and defensively said “lighten up, I’ve said it to other people and they’ve smiled.” He proceeded to say it to at least three more times—to younger, femme women only, of course—who all did sort-of smile while laughing uncomfortably (in my interpretation).
Despite it being a relatively tame interaction, compared to the other aggressive and lewd “real” catcalling experiences I’ve had in my life, I’ve never so viscerally felt how men feel they own women’s bodies. (As compared to other verbal-only harassments, to be clear.) That day, my mother was getting a double mastectomy because of cancer; she was literally going into surgery around the time the flight was boarding. I was anxious. I was grieving. I did not want to smile. Yet this man told me I should lighten up, knowing nothing about me or the other women he was asking to smile for his own pleasure. I wanted to tell him off, but I knew that there was no way I wouldn’t cry. And I didn’t want to become the “hysterical woman.” So I just sat next to him in silence for three hours, and then went to care for my mother.
Thanks for your great posts. I just found you this morning, and am happy to be now subscribed!
I still remember when I was about 12 and was crossing a school yard by myself when a young man sped by on his bike and felt my breast! I was angry, fearful and never forgot the experience! Cynthia G.
Ugh I’m sorry. That’s horrible and violating.
When I moved from Texas to New York in my twenties, I was STUNNED by the level of catcalling I received. I thought I had moved to a blue state liberal haven and yet I didn't feel safe. I also witnessed so many girls and women -- especially of color -- get harassed, too. (I need to write an essay about it.) I had some truly terrifying experiences. It's one of those reasons I live in Texas again.
Wow that’s wild and interesting when you put it like that. I’d love to read about it and hear your understanding of why there was/is such a difference.
I think some of it is simply a population density thing and everyone walking to get somewhere, versus being in a car a lot more here. But it might also be a recent immigrant thing - as in, it's accepted where they're from and they bring it w/ them to NYC.