Thanks for this important article about facts every girl needs to know! I wish someone had told me this 70 years ago when I was a teen (but in those days we were even more entrenched in keeping women down than ever). I'm emailing it to my granddaughters - it says everything much better than I ever could, and will be received more objectively than from a mother or grandmother. Keep keeping us up to date, Dr. Jo!!
This means so much Cassie! It's exactly why I write even though I also have a day job :) You'll find much more of this in my book when it comes out in Sept. I'm so excited for people like you who are going to raise a generation of amazing girls!
I've been fighting the urge to buy a product for my wild, frizzy hair. One day at the grocery store, a man from India (different cultural perspective) randomly stopped, turned to me, and said, "I really like your hair." Then he kept walking. He was being nice, not creepy. It was a solid reminder that how my hair "looks" is a matter of opinion. If this man likes my hair, why can't I?
Thanks for your comment! Somehow I missed it. Uncreepy spontaneous compliments from strangers are the best aren’t they? I’m a curly girl and i’ve been using product for so long it hasn’t even occurred to me to stop. Hmm, I’ll need to think about that…
Yes, they are great! I cannot claim to know the ills of curly girl hair, but I have had hair issues from our hard water. Do you have any experience with that particular issue?
Sensible, but the constant feminist framing grates a bit, empahasising victimhood at the hands of corporations isnt really the best way of growing up strong and empowered. A sense of humour about how only idiots fall for this stuff might help. I lent my daughter my razor and asked why anyone would pay more for an inferior pink product, and that absolutely worked.
I love that strategy! I'd argue though that a huge part of making sure they don't feel like victims or actually get taken advantage of, is explaining how and why girls are women are targeted. You're helping them develop a healthy skepticism of the culture. That way they'll know the culture is broken; they are not broken. And also, not only idiots fall for this stuff. Advertising and algorithms are incredibly sophisticated. Adults aren't impervious to it so we can't expect a tween or teen to be.
This is so important. Giving our girls the opportunities to build their resiliency skill sets from early on in their lives. Confidence in dealing with diverse life challenges only comes from actually having to handle real life issues. Failing, and getting back up again swinging. Having room for these ups and downs is our job until they have successfully launched out into the world.... and have built there she-zam life situation... my daughter is a cherished friend and one of the toughest and most competent women i have known, and i know alot of amazing women. (one of lifes greatest treasures, the sisterhood).🙏🤸♀️💞🌏
Beautiful to be so close with your daughter. I hope so much I will have the same with mine when she's an adult. She's a pretty spectacular human being now! Thanks for the comment!!
I thought this was going to be about raising a child. The stat about it costing about $250k to raise a child is often thrown out, but it largely falls upon the mother if the father is absent!
I’ve started sharing your post with anyone I know with a daughter or granddaughter or niece … I hope your post is shared widely. Women and girls always need a voice for solid information… and now suddenly more than ever!
Thank you for sharing it! My book Sexism & Sensibility is all about the subtle yet destructive messages girls get and the overt misogyny they’ll face and how to counter it. We made sure to get the book out before the election b/c, yep, suddenly more necessary than ever :(
In the face of advertising of (more expensive) deodorants being marketed to women for the female genital/perianal area, I asked a female retired Air Force nurse friend if (less expensive) deodorants already available would be equally applicable in those areas, and she told me that of course they would be. So there's another proof of your thesis.
Thank you for your research into this topic and sharing it with us. Wild stuff, huh? On the positive (if we can find a positive) side, as of November, the following states have eliminated the "tampon tax":
California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, Washington, D.C.
You eluded to this, but when you control for education, occupation, and experience, the income wage gap shrinks to 99 cents for every dollar earned by men. This controlled gap can vary across different occupations; in some, women may earn less, and in others, the pay gay is non-existent. I bring this up because if we believe that women are earning 83 cents to every dollar for the same role rather than recognizing that this wage gap is actually correlated to things like occupational segregation, work hours, career interruptions, the motherhood penalty, and race, we might focus our efforts in the wrong places. Claudia Golden is an excellent resource for the gender wage gap if you haven't discovered her yet (I have a feeling you have, though!)
And the last thing I'd bring up is although boys might not be impacted by the same beauty standards as girl, boys right now in our country are in a world of hurt — and there are so many parallels with beauty standards for girls: just as beauty standards objectify and commodify girls, these societal expectations dehumanize boys by tying their worth to outdated ideas of strength, stoicism and dominance. I just don't think we can pit boys against girls; we need to figure out how to solve for everyone.
I appreciate you sharing this piece and allowing me contribute to the conversation through my comment. Thank you so much for putting your time and efforts into this thoughtful piece.
Hi Jenny, Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on all this. I agree with you and I just updated the piece to be more specific about women's wages. And as for boys -- I couldn't agree more. The manosphere is appealing for a reason. I have a whole section in Sexism and Sensibility about why patriarchy is damaging for boys too and have written about it here on Substack as well. Thanks again for the thoughtful comment!
Jo-Ann, you're wonderful! I love that you updated the piece because oh how that reflects back so much on who you are as a writer, researcher, human. I look forward to reading more from you.
IANAL, and I have no info on how often it’s enforced, but it’s worth noting that in California gendered pricing for dry cleaning and haircuts have been explicitly outlawed since 1995.
There is no wage gap between men and women anymore - this has been disproven. The difference in wages can be attributed to women taking time off to raise children. When that is removed, there is no difference in wages.
Most beauty standards are set and enforced by women. If women weren't competing among themselves to looksmax all the time, guys would still desire you. When we were all wandering the savannah in loincloths and makeup didn't exist, men and women were still having lots of kids.
Beauty standards are an arms race perpetuated by competition among women.
2)
The wage gap statistic cited in the essay doesn't account for job choice. When you account for job choice (that's right ladies, you have choices) the wage gap goes away completely. And no, that plumbing or electrical contractor is not going to turn away a female job candidate, they are desperate for warm bodies as it is. I would know, i've been working in the trades for 20 years. It's a constant complaint among contractors who can't find workers who will simply show up. They'd take a chimpanzee if they showed up to work on time. I personally know one (1) female electrician. Over 20 years, she's the only one i've ever met on the job. She makes good money. This is in deepest-red-in-the-nation Wyoming. Where the ladies at? ?????
3)
Entering the corporate slog may be bad for your health and well-being. Economic self-sufficiency will get you that and ony that - it will pay the bills, but it won't make you happy. It won't help you find a partner, since men don't factor in economic status when they look for one. You'll become chained to that grindstone and if you still manage to have kids, run the risk of serious burnout.
How about teaching your kids that looking for *meaning* is more important than seeking *happiness*? Most people suffer through life to one extent or another, if we focus on meaning as opposed to happiness, we can make it through the hard times while appreciating the non-quanitfiable things we do have, such as the love and support of a large family structure.
Thanks for this important article about facts every girl needs to know! I wish someone had told me this 70 years ago when I was a teen (but in those days we were even more entrenched in keeping women down than ever). I'm emailing it to my granddaughters - it says everything much better than I ever could, and will be received more objectively than from a mother or grandmother. Keep keeping us up to date, Dr. Jo!!
As a new girl mama, I appreciate this post more than you know! Thank you! Going to keep coming back to this as I raise her.
This means so much Cassie! It's exactly why I write even though I also have a day job :) You'll find much more of this in my book when it comes out in Sept. I'm so excited for people like you who are going to raise a generation of amazing girls!
I've been fighting the urge to buy a product for my wild, frizzy hair. One day at the grocery store, a man from India (different cultural perspective) randomly stopped, turned to me, and said, "I really like your hair." Then he kept walking. He was being nice, not creepy. It was a solid reminder that how my hair "looks" is a matter of opinion. If this man likes my hair, why can't I?
Thanks for your comment! Somehow I missed it. Uncreepy spontaneous compliments from strangers are the best aren’t they? I’m a curly girl and i’ve been using product for so long it hasn’t even occurred to me to stop. Hmm, I’ll need to think about that…
Yes, they are great! I cannot claim to know the ills of curly girl hair, but I have had hair issues from our hard water. Do you have any experience with that particular issue?
Sensible, but the constant feminist framing grates a bit, empahasising victimhood at the hands of corporations isnt really the best way of growing up strong and empowered. A sense of humour about how only idiots fall for this stuff might help. I lent my daughter my razor and asked why anyone would pay more for an inferior pink product, and that absolutely worked.
I love that strategy! I'd argue though that a huge part of making sure they don't feel like victims or actually get taken advantage of, is explaining how and why girls are women are targeted. You're helping them develop a healthy skepticism of the culture. That way they'll know the culture is broken; they are not broken. And also, not only idiots fall for this stuff. Advertising and algorithms are incredibly sophisticated. Adults aren't impervious to it so we can't expect a tween or teen to be.
This is so important. Giving our girls the opportunities to build their resiliency skill sets from early on in their lives. Confidence in dealing with diverse life challenges only comes from actually having to handle real life issues. Failing, and getting back up again swinging. Having room for these ups and downs is our job until they have successfully launched out into the world.... and have built there she-zam life situation... my daughter is a cherished friend and one of the toughest and most competent women i have known, and i know alot of amazing women. (one of lifes greatest treasures, the sisterhood).🙏🤸♀️💞🌏
Beautiful to be so close with your daughter. I hope so much I will have the same with mine when she's an adult. She's a pretty spectacular human being now! Thanks for the comment!!
This y is so needed! Steps 2 and 3 esp 👏
I thought this was going to be about raising a child. The stat about it costing about $250k to raise a child is often thrown out, but it largely falls upon the mother if the father is absent!
Ha! Well that’s another way to save her 300k — tell her not to have a kid!
Very helpful information… share with any young women in your world!
Also hello fellow psychologist in private practice 👋🏼
I’ve started sharing your post with anyone I know with a daughter or granddaughter or niece … I hope your post is shared widely. Women and girls always need a voice for solid information… and now suddenly more than ever!
Thank you for sharing it! My book Sexism & Sensibility is all about the subtle yet destructive messages girls get and the overt misogyny they’ll face and how to counter it. We made sure to get the book out before the election b/c, yep, suddenly more necessary than ever :(
ah dl hill
Thanks Linda!
Great points well made
In the face of advertising of (more expensive) deodorants being marketed to women for the female genital/perianal area, I asked a female retired Air Force nurse friend if (less expensive) deodorants already available would be equally applicable in those areas, and she told me that of course they would be. So there's another proof of your thesis.
Sounds about right. Don’t even get me started on those kinds of deodorants…
Seeing it already with my 10-year-old's peers and the 12 step beauty routines
It just keeps getting younger which is in large part what motivated me to write Sexism & Sensibility. Parents can make a difference!
Educational curriculum changes desperately required and these wise points to be inserted. For the good of all students.
Yes please!!
Thank you for your research into this topic and sharing it with us. Wild stuff, huh? On the positive (if we can find a positive) side, as of November, the following states have eliminated the "tampon tax":
California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, Washington, D.C.
You eluded to this, but when you control for education, occupation, and experience, the income wage gap shrinks to 99 cents for every dollar earned by men. This controlled gap can vary across different occupations; in some, women may earn less, and in others, the pay gay is non-existent. I bring this up because if we believe that women are earning 83 cents to every dollar for the same role rather than recognizing that this wage gap is actually correlated to things like occupational segregation, work hours, career interruptions, the motherhood penalty, and race, we might focus our efforts in the wrong places. Claudia Golden is an excellent resource for the gender wage gap if you haven't discovered her yet (I have a feeling you have, though!)
And the last thing I'd bring up is although boys might not be impacted by the same beauty standards as girl, boys right now in our country are in a world of hurt — and there are so many parallels with beauty standards for girls: just as beauty standards objectify and commodify girls, these societal expectations dehumanize boys by tying their worth to outdated ideas of strength, stoicism and dominance. I just don't think we can pit boys against girls; we need to figure out how to solve for everyone.
I appreciate you sharing this piece and allowing me contribute to the conversation through my comment. Thank you so much for putting your time and efforts into this thoughtful piece.
Hi Jenny, Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on all this. I agree with you and I just updated the piece to be more specific about women's wages. And as for boys -- I couldn't agree more. The manosphere is appealing for a reason. I have a whole section in Sexism and Sensibility about why patriarchy is damaging for boys too and have written about it here on Substack as well. Thanks again for the thoughtful comment!
Jo-Ann, you're wonderful! I love that you updated the piece because oh how that reflects back so much on who you are as a writer, researcher, human. I look forward to reading more from you.
Thanks for the kind words ❤️
IANAL, and I have no info on how often it’s enforced, but it’s worth noting that in California gendered pricing for dry cleaning and haircuts have been explicitly outlawed since 1995.
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1995-10-14-mn-56735-story.html
https://oag.ca.gov/news/press-releases/know-your-rights-attorney-general-bonta-encourages-consumers-speak-out-pink-tax
Oh wow this is so interesting. Thank you!! I do wonder if it's enforced. I'll investigate.
There is no wage gap between men and women anymore - this has been disproven. The difference in wages can be attributed to women taking time off to raise children. When that is removed, there is no difference in wages.
1)
Most beauty standards are set and enforced by women. If women weren't competing among themselves to looksmax all the time, guys would still desire you. When we were all wandering the savannah in loincloths and makeup didn't exist, men and women were still having lots of kids.
Beauty standards are an arms race perpetuated by competition among women.
2)
The wage gap statistic cited in the essay doesn't account for job choice. When you account for job choice (that's right ladies, you have choices) the wage gap goes away completely. And no, that plumbing or electrical contractor is not going to turn away a female job candidate, they are desperate for warm bodies as it is. I would know, i've been working in the trades for 20 years. It's a constant complaint among contractors who can't find workers who will simply show up. They'd take a chimpanzee if they showed up to work on time. I personally know one (1) female electrician. Over 20 years, she's the only one i've ever met on the job. She makes good money. This is in deepest-red-in-the-nation Wyoming. Where the ladies at? ?????
3)
Entering the corporate slog may be bad for your health and well-being. Economic self-sufficiency will get you that and ony that - it will pay the bills, but it won't make you happy. It won't help you find a partner, since men don't factor in economic status when they look for one. You'll become chained to that grindstone and if you still manage to have kids, run the risk of serious burnout.
How about teaching your kids that looking for *meaning* is more important than seeking *happiness*? Most people suffer through life to one extent or another, if we focus on meaning as opposed to happiness, we can make it through the hard times while appreciating the non-quanitfiable things we do have, such as the love and support of a large family structure.