Here Is What We Are Going To Do

In the aftermath of the election, we will take steps to protect ourselves and our country

Photo by Calvin Hanson on Unsplash

I am not prone to hyperbole. I pride myself on my ability to see and speak about nuance. I have been reading nonstop about the election results, learning about what happened and I understand it’s complicated and multifaceted. I don’t believe everyone who voted for Trump is a misogynist or white supremacist (though those tenets most certainly infiltrated many decisions, however unconsciously). I hope to hell that none of what I’m about to suggest will ever be necessary but I’m not willing to ignore the draconian promises made by Trump, Vance and their ilk, nor those laid out in Project 2025. When a President-elect has told the American people that he is going to initiate mass deportations, threatens to pursue and punish the “enemy within,” and believes “there has to be some form of punishment” for women who have an abortion, we should take it seriously, and not simply hope for the best. To do that would be to ignore the lessons of history where authoritarian threats were downplayed or dismissed—until it was too late.

Since the election, I’ve had an influx of readers reaching out to me. They note the list of what women should not be permitted to control keeps getting longer: their bodies, their reproductive rights, whether they have children (or cats), who they marry, and whether they can divorce. They ask me, “What are we going to do?” and “How do we protect our daughters?” and “Who are they going to date and marry when so many young men are being red-pilled, groomed to be angry and sexist by the manosphere and a rapist president—men who blame their problems on feminism and women’s progress rather than learn how to adapt to equality?”

I’ll tell you what we’re going to do:

The Pep Talk

We are going to raise girls to be badass, self-assured, unapologetic human beings who aren’t afraid to make noise when they see inequality. We’ll make sure they know they can take up space with their bodies and their voices—even though that makes people uncomfortable. We’ll help them become people who don’t tolerate nonsense from boys who think they can say they care without behaving like they do—who dismiss and demean and objectify them because it makes them feel like a man. We are going to teach them relationships can be enriching and amazing, but aren’t when they don’t feel valued and supported. They are going to learn they are complete and whole in and of themselves. We are going to teach them to really understand their right to bodily autonomy despite chronic harassment; their right to like their bodies despite chronic interference suggesting their bodies are wrong; and their right to pleasure without shame. And we will teach them the strength of solidarity, to stand up for other women when they witness harassment and assault, so that when it happens to them, they know it’s not their fault. And we are going to do all of this in ways that leave them feeling bold, not fearful.

We are going to raise our sons to stand beside their sisters and girlfriends, not above them; to treat them with respect and speak out for—not over— those who have less of a voice than them. We are not going to tolerate bullying, mocking, and “joking” at girls’ expense. We are going to teach them about the historical injustices that women and people of color have endured for centuries so they understand why this fight is so important. We are going to make it clear how patriarchy gives them power in some arenas yet robs them of their humanity. In short, we are going to raise them to be nothing like the person we soon have to call president. And we’re going to do all of this without blaming and shaming them so they can hear the message and believe in equality as much as we do.

I’m not suggesting this is easy, but I did write a whole book about how to do this and deeply believe it is the path not only to better mental health and relationships, but also longterm cultural change.

The Immediate(ish) To-Dos:

Order abortion medication now

A key priority for conservatives is to ban the shipment of abortion pills and establish tracking and data systems to monitor these medications and abortion-related activities more broadly. That will affect the entire country, not just states with abortion bans. The abortion pill mifepristone used in combination with another medication—misoprostol—”can safely and effectively end a pregnancy through 10 weeks gestation” and has a shelf life of 2-5 years. So we are going to order them now so we and our loved ones who can get pregnant will be protected for the foreseeable future.

According to abortion journalist,

Jessica Valenti

, trusted sources for abortion medication are: Aid Access, Plan C Pills, Abortion Finder, I Need An A.

Order/update passports

We are going to make sure we have the ability to leave the country if we need to.

Ensure you have two pieces of identity with matching last names

As I explained in more depth previously, Trump tried and failed to pass the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility Act (The SAVE act) and will likely try again. This would require your current ID to exactly match the name on your birth certificate. But many women who change their name when they get married, never officially do so in court. They simply take their husband’s last name and use it on their current forms of ID. So unless you have a passport (or other proof of citizenship with your married name)—and many, many US citizens do not—you could be blocked from voting. The National Organization for Women estimates that more than one in three women could be disenfranchised due to mismatched documents. We are going to take care of that ASAP, right?

Get divorced

If you’re seriously considering a divorce, now is the time. Outlawing no-fault divorce is on the conservative agenda, and if that happens, the courts—not you—will get to decide whether a marriage is bad enough to justify a divorce. When no-fault divorce was implemented in 1969, there was a marked decrease in female suicide, domestic abuse, and homicide of women by intimate partners.

In 2021, JD Vance lamented that children suffer when their parents divorce, even when those marriages are violent, insinuating women (given the fact that domestic violence disproportionately affects women) should stay for the sake of the kids. That makes sense given his view that women are more baby machine than human.

Is any amount of violence too much, you ask? Storytime: Vance was raised by his grandparents whose marriage, as described in his memoir Hillbilly Elegy, was chaotic and violent. He recounts a scene in which his grandmother doused his alcoholic, violent grandfather with gasoline while he slept on the couch. She then lit him on fire and their 11-year-old daughter had to put out the flames. For Vance, even this extreme level of family violence is preferable to divorce.

Get Married

If you are part of the LGBTQ+ community and planning to get married, you might want to do so before January 20th. In his June 2022 concurrence in Dobbs v. Jackson, Conservative Justice Clarence Thomas wrote, “We should reconsider all of this Court’s substantive due process precedents, including Griswold, Lawrence, and Obergefell,” referring to the ruling that state bans on same-sex marriage were unconstitutional.

Move, especially if you are LGBTQ+

If at all possible, get to a blue state. Some blue-state governors have already started making political and legal moves to protect their states’ policies and residents’ civil rights from federal actions under a Trump administration.

Buy banned books

The 2024 Republican platform vowed to cut federal funds for schools that teach about race and gender, and book bans will likely increase. We will not go back to whitewashed, straight, male-only stories and versions of history. We will celebrate intellectual freedom and inclusivity, and ensure the mental, emotional and sexual health and wellbeing of our children by reading and passing around frequently challenged or banned books!

Join Join Join

By joining special interest groups, an Indivisible chapter, your local Dem group, and/or the ACLU, you will be able to keep track of laws and policies being debated at the state and federal levels. Working in coalition is not only effective but comforting; a place to find your people.

Volunteer and/or donate

Many of us don’t know where to start. But just because we can’t change everything, doesn’t mean we can’t change anything. Authoritarianism thrives on hopelessness, but we are not giving up. We are going to get to work. One idea is to pick one issue or one organization and devote yourself to it for the next four years. You don’t have to start from scratch. And in fact, you probably shouldn’t. Lend your resources to people and nonprofits that have dedicated years to these issues already.

Use your privilege for good

Whatever injustices lie ahead, they will strike communities of color first and hardest. Immigrants, especially, are in immediate danger, as Trump has vowed to create vast detention camps and implement mass deportations on an unprecedented scale “on day one.”

We must commit to using any privilege we have to stand alongside communities of color and undocumented workers, building genuine connections and solidarity. More importantly, we need to leverage our privilege to speak out within our own circles. While 91% of Black women cast their votes for Harris, only 45% of white women did the same. It’s on those of us who are white, to have those tough conversations with family members and friends who supported Trump—to sit with the discomfort and work to reach them. Together, through these efforts, we can build the resilience and unity we all need.

Over the past few days two ideas have circled my brain and helped me stay upright. The first is from organizer and activist Miriam Kaba who reminds us, “Hope is a practice and a discipline.” The second was said by novelist, Alice Walker: “Activism is my rent for living on the planet.” For our daughters and for our country, we are not going to hide. We are not going to stay silent. We will be bold.