Microfeminism: Taking back (or giving back) power to girls and women
30 Small Acts of Resistance you can start using now!
The 1960s slogan, “the personal is political” has resonated with me since I was very young. It’s a way of saying women's personal experiences are a reflection of larger social and political structures, and to change oppressive experiences, we have to change those larger oppressive systems, policies, and beliefs. But I’ve also believed that our personal choices —small but intentional actions and interactions— can collectively contribute to societal change. Now, there’s a new term for that: Microfeminism.
Microfeminisim was coined, or at least popularized (perhaps not surprisingly), in a TikTok by Ashley Chaney and recently written about in the Boston Globe. I’ve put together a list for anyone who wants to incorporate micro forms of activism into their, and their children’s, lives. It makes a difference!
Women and girls haven’t been socialized to take up space. They learn early to defer, to soothe, to appease, and to step aside. Empowering our daughters at the micro level not only challenges systemic gender norms but also fosters a culture of respect, inclusion, and equality.
But it won’t be easy.
When women and girls stand up for themselves or behave in ways that don’t adhere to expected norms, they’re considered unfeminine and risk being rejected, called out, called names, and mocked. It’s a bit like being in a game of whack-a-mole. But ladies, keep in mind, each time you stand up for yourself, you’re standing up for all women.
And men who stand up for women will, ironically, be considered unmasculine. But remember, when you refrain from laughing at a sexist “joke”, and insist she be heard, be given due credit, not plan all the playdates and social events, etc., you’re going against the grain and that takes a strong, strong man.
Here are 30 acts of microfeminism (in no particular order) that you might consider implementing. I’d love to hear yours!
Assume the CEO, doctor, boss being spoken about is female and use “she” until you know otherwise
Assume the nurse, babysitter, housecleaner or teacher are male and use ‘he” until you know otherwise
If your friend apologizes for her messy house, say, “I guess [husband’s name] didn’t get to it yet.”
Comment on a girl’s or woman’s physical prowess or intelligence, not her looks
Ask a man to take the notes and serve the coffee
Pull a page from Kamala Harris’s playbook and say, “I’m speaking” when you’re interrupted, and just keep on speaking
Send an email without reading it three times in order make sure it’s received as intended and doesn’t sound too demanding
Ask men traveling for work or who are out late: who is taking care of the kids?
Play “Patriarchy Chicken” —i.e., Don’t step aside on the sidewalk
Spread your knees on public transportation
Freely yell across the restaurant or repeatedly guffaw loudly
Claim the armrest on the plane
If you work at a school, always call the dads first when kids are sick
If you’re a teacher, ask all those strong girls to stack the chairs
Call it men’s sports if men are playing (Did you see the men’s basketball today?)
Keep your name when you get married. Ask your fiancé to consider changing his
Write “Dear Madam/Sir” and “Dear Mrs. and Mr.” (or better yet, Ms. and Mr.)
If you write contracts, titles, mortgages, etc., for a wife and husband (see what I did there?), put the woman’s name first (that’s almost never the case!)
When you think a woman is being rude ask yourself, “Is she really being rude or have I been conditioned to believe women should be warm and fuzzy all the time and I’m just uncomfortable that she’s not conforming to my expectations?”
If a friend calls his wife or girlfriend a nag, say, “women aren’t nags. They’re just fed up.”
Being ironic, wonder out loud if that man who got the promotion slept his way into the job
Let your leg and/or pit hair grow.
Don’t give Santa all the credit, moms. Your hard work matters.
Read books and listen to podcasts by women
Build solidarity among women from diverse backgrounds
Change the gender in picture books when it’s leaning all male
Hire a male babysitter and a female handywoman
Invest in female-owned companies
Encourage men and boys to become allies in the fight for gender equality
If you don’t like what he says, eviscerate his appearance (Just kidding, don’t do that)
Which of these is your favorite? What other acts of microfeminism do you use or would you like to use? Comment below!
Want more ideas on raising gender-equal kids? Get my new, free guide, “Breaking Stereotypes, Building Equality.”
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Thank you for this brilliant list. I’ve used a few of these tactics and plan to adopt more.
Despite raising two daughters who became doctors, my mother still defaults to asking what “he” said when I mention a visit to a doctor. I know she is proud of us; she supported us every step of the way. Societal conditioning is real, though. I couldn’t help laughing out loud when my child, after a visit to our all-female pediatrics practice where a man was subbing for a maternity leave, said, huh, I didn’t know men could be doctors.
I love your list of feminist resistance. I do a lot of this in my day to day life and people look at me like I am crazy at first and then they have a light bulb moment. It's actually quite fun.