Women Are Ruining Everything (And It’s About Time)
Turns out human decency looks a lot like chaos to the people in charge
If you’ve been paying attention lately, you’ll know women have been very, very busy — not with earning less money for the same work, or with the exhausting work of personal safety — but with ruining things. Practically everything, in fact.
Let’s begin with the workplace, which apparently used to be a magical land of cigar smoke and unexamined mediocrity until women came along with their “boundaries” and “HR policies” and “insistence on being paid.” All those girly feelings “wokefying” the harmless fun of calling a secretary “sweetheart” and the four-hour boozy lunch. Now everyone has to attend diversity training instead of golf outings (which Jack Nicklaus predicted they’d ruin anyway). Devastating.
Then there’s marriage. Women decided they wanted to be partners instead of property. They went and asked for joint bank accounts, orgasms, and conversation. They even wanted a say in major life decisions! What’s next—expecting men to do half the housework? Oh wait… The institution will never recover from this assault of mutual respect and shared responsibility.
Comedy? Poof! Apparently, recycling the same tired jokes about naggy wives and bad female drivers isn’t peak humor anymore. Even assault is off the table. Now comedians are expected to be, you know, actually funny. Worse, women have had the audacity to enter the field with smart, personal material and get laughs without being the punchline. The nerve of them!
Don’t even get me started on entertainment. Star Wars introduced female Jedi who could use the Force without needing a man to explain it to them. Gaming now features (some) women protagonists who look and act like actual humans, rather than pin-ups, and wear armor instead of chainmail bikinis. Theater? Ruined by women playwrights telling women’s stories that—gasp—aren’t centered on male wish fulfillment. It’s an apocalypse of representation.
Somehow women have ruined cooking too, even though it’s been taken over by men named Gordon and Anthony who make soufflés on TV and belittle line cooks and children. The irony is exquisite: once women left the kitchen, it instantly became prestigious.
Club culture fell apart the moment women admitted that being groped by strangers wasn’t the highlight of a night out. Now there are these oppressive new expectations around “consent” and “not putting drugs in drinks.” It’s really taken the spontaneity out of things. Western civilization may never recover.
Speaking of which, women have also ruined the West itself. They ruined America by demanding the right to vote, which naturally led to college, bodily autonomy, legal personhood and the ruination of the entire Western world. Imagine wanting to contribute to society through their minds and talents rather than through their wombs alone. Sheesh!
And these ideas have been spreading across the globe like a highly infectious disease—a feminist pandemic. So yes, let’s give credit where it’s due: Women are ruining the whole world!
Apparently blaming women is the one tradition we’ve yet to ruin.
But wait—have men ruined anything?
In the spirit of fairness and equality, I couldn’t possibly leave men out of my ruination diatribe.
Men have ruined:
– The planet (via oil, coal, and industrial everything)
– The economy (see: every recession)
– Global stability (wars, coups, dictatorships)
– Democracy (fascism, again)
– Women’s bodily autonomy (legislation, policing, and general arrogance)
– Lives (harassment, assault, murder, and systemic discrimination)
But sure, the real crisis is that there are female Ghostbusters now.
And then there’s the small stuff: plastic-filled oceans, species extinction, school shootings, tech monopolies, and the absolute disaster that is modern dating.
But you know what? Let’s keep focusing on how feminism ruined Star Wars. That definitely seems like the more pressing issue.
I say we take accountability. If feminism is ruining things like the unchecked authority of mediocre men, the myth that silence equals virtue, the belief that women’s suffering was inevitable, and the idea that you can have equality without giving anything up—let’s take that as the huge compliment that it is.
So yes, we ruined your boys’ club. We ruined the monopoly on power. We ruined the unexamined assumption that your story was the only one worth telling. And maybe…hopefully…we’ve started to ruin the platforms of Ross Douthat and his female, misogyny-apologizing sidekicks.
You’re welcome.
If you enjoy my writing, check out book, Sexism & Sensibility: Raising Empowered Resilient Girls in The Modern World (which gets you 50% off a one-year subscription to Raising Her Voice. Just email me your receipt and I’ll send you a link.)
Happy Tuesday y’all!
