Let's Celebrate Gisèle Pelicot by Never Being Indifferent to Rape Again

Limiting women's bodily autonomy is a very slippery slope

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Before we get to today’s main topic—rape culture and the heroism of Gisèle Pelicot — I want to say: today is my birthday and I’m celebrating! My birthday means my kids will indulge me in a game of Catch Phrase or Ransom Notes—two of my favorites! It means I have given myself a whole afternoon to wander around the shops in my neighborhood without feeling like I should be working before a lovely Italian dinner tonight with family, and a friend gathering tomorrow.

My birthday means taking stock of the last year which was almost wholly dedicated to putting out Sexism & Sensibility into the world in hopes of making it a better, safer place for girls and women. I woke up on this birthday morning to a wonderful gift: seeing Sexism & Sensibility included as one of seven books in Teen Health Today’s Favorite Books of 2024!! If you're looking for a holiday gift for someone raising a girl, or who has ever been a girl, or who is just tired or pissed off that we’re still fighting for basic human rights, consider giving them a copy of Sexism & Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in The Modern World. (Amazon is having a sale: Save 50% on 1 when you buy 2).

I want to thank this gorgeous community for all your support—all your likes and comments and shares and reviews and lovely words. Remember, you can still vote for Sexism & Sensibility (30 seconds max) in the Chicago Reader’s Best of 2024!

To vote, simply click on each of the categories linked here:

• Best New Nonfiction Book by a Chicagoan

• Best Nonfiction Writer

**If you vote in both categories (for me!), let me know in the comments or DM me and you will be entered to win a personalized, signed copy of my book as a special thanks for doing that one extra thing none of us has time to do.

Thank You!

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And now onto the real gift to women everywhere:

Gisèle Pelicot

I’m celebrating the hero that Gisèle Pelicot is though never wanted to be. I’m celebrating that her rapist—her husband of 50 years—was sentenced to jail. Though his sentence of 20 years is not nearly enough, I take comfort that he will be in jail into his 80s.

In case you missed this story, I will briefly describe it here but please note it includes details about rape and abuse. While I think it’s important NOT to avoid these topics, especially in a case that shows just how common and indifferent society is to women’s bodily autonomy in general and rape specifically, I offer this content warning knowing it may be too difficult, especially for someone who has experienced abuse themselves.

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For almost a decade Dominique Pelicot drugged his now ex-wife and raped her. He also recruited at least 71 other men online to rape her while she was unconscious.

His crimes were discovered in 2020, when police arrested him over a separate charge of filming up the skirts of women in a supermarket. Police seized his devices and found, in a folder labeled “Abuse,” thousands of videos on his laptop, with evidence of more than 200 rapes. There were also nude photos of his adult daughter and daughters-in-law taken while they were asleep (or possibly drugged).

During this decade of the unimaginable but also unknown horror Gisele was enduring, she was paradoxically happier than ever with her husband. You see, the sedatives he was secretly plying her with in food and drink were causing profound fatigue and loss of memory, weight, and hair. She was also experiencing gynecological pain from all the “sex” she didn’t know she was having. Her husband tended to her lovingly, driving her to endless doctors appointments to figure out what was happening to her, serving her ice cream in bed, and telling her it was all probably because she was helping care for her grandchildren. It doesn’t get more sociopathic and gaslighting than that.

The men recruited to rape his wife included firefighters, truck drivers, soldiers, fathers, a journalist and a DJ and were described by defense lawyers as being "ordinary people", earning them the nickname Monsieur-Tout-Le-Monde (Mr. Everyman). That’s the point — they are ordinary people doing something not considered all that extraordinary: rape. Men ages 27 to 74 who didn’t bother wearing condoms even when they knew they had an STI. Many claimed that they thought they were being invited into threesome or a consensual sex game where Gisèle was pretending to sleep. What is as shocking as it is unsurprising, is that not one of these 71 men booked out of there when they realized she was unconscious (okay one did but not before touching her) and not one of them reported it. Sure, they worried about being caught themselves but they could have anonymously tipped off a reporter or the police, or Gisèle herself!

How do these men live with themselves?

The answer,

Kate Manne

tells us in her post, What One Mass Rape Case Shows about the Depth of Rape Culture, is twofold. She explains, “One, we do not care very much about the rape of girls and women…Two, we think that a husband is entitled to control the body and sexual fate of his wife—as well as, perhaps, his daughters.” Let’s briefly unpack both.

We’re indifferent to the rape of girls and women

One in six women—the majority between twelve and thirty-four years old—are the victim of an attempted or completed rape, and 98 percent of rapists aren’t held accountable. Victims are often too afraid to report because they know how often women are blamed, that too often rapists aren’t investigated, and rape kits aren’t processed. They’ve heard about the judges who justify light sentences because these rapists are good boys, with good academic records whose futures shouldn’t be ruined “for 20 minutes of action” (as rapist Brock Turner’s father put it). Or judges who refuse to even charge a boy for these same reasons, even when the boy has sent the video of his act of rape to friends with the text, “When your first time having sex was rape.” Justice for girls’ and concern for girls’ futures—not so much.

A husband is entitled to control the body and sexual fate of his wife

We cannot live free from history and the history of marriage is based on a woman being the literal property of man, which meant she didn’t have a legal identity of her own and rape and most beatings didn’t legally exist within marriage. In fact, marital rape only became illegal in France and The United States in the mid 1990s! It is still legal in many countries on the grounds, for example, that men have legal right to unlimited sexual access to their wives (Tanzania), a woman may not refuse sexual relations with her husband (Yemen), and rape is not a crime, it is a private matter (Libya).

And as the recent election of Donald Trump, a serial harasser and convicted rapist who was instrumental in turning over Roe v Wade shows, we still don’t really believe in women truly owning and controlling her own body.

Gisèle made the remarkable decision to waive her right to an anonymous trial because she wants “shame to change sides.” It’s time the perpetrators of this horrifying yet normalized crime—not the victims—are shamed and feel shame. "I want any woman who wakes up one morning with no memories of the night before to remember what I said," she stated. "So that no more women can fall prey to chemical submission. I was sacrificed on the altar of vice, and we need to talk about it." A real hero when heroes are in short supply.

Women across the world have repeated her phrase of shame changing sides, shed tears, thanked her for bringing the commonness and devastating effects of rape into public view. But Gisèle has been clear that behind her bravery "lies a field of ruins."

The trial may be over (unless the asshole who admitted to his crimes appeals the verdict) but we can continue to show gratitude to Gisèle by remembering her sacrifice, and by never again being indifferent to the lack of bodily autonomy given to women in all its forms. But especially in the form of rape.