Helping Girls Grow Up Fearless in a Body-Obsessed World

An interview with Dr. Charlotte Markey about her newly updated guide to helping girls build healthy body image

Six years ago when my daughter was 11, I bought her the popular book The Body Image Book for Girls: Love Yourself and Grow Up Fearless by Charlotte Markey (who also writes the Substack Body Talk.) It was one of the few puberty-related books my daughter devoured and went on to read again and again after we’d read it together. It led to some fantastic discussions and helped my daughter see just how insidiously body dissatisfaction seeps into girls’ lives—and the many messages that teach girls to dislike their bodies.

The great news for anyone who knows and loves girls ages 9–15 is that Dr. Markey has released an updated edition of the book, reflecting the rapidly changing social landscape girls are navigating today—consider the revival of ridiculously impossible standards, #SkinnyTok, Ozempic, and diet culture. I weigh in briefly in the book as one of the experts and after reading an advanced copy, I immediately asked Dr. Markey for an interview. I wanted to make sure readers who parent or work with girls wouldn’t miss it. After all, being able to resist appearance pressure is key to not shrinking—to remaining confident and fully present in the world.

Below is our discussion, lightly edited for clarity. Enjoy and definitely pick up a copy of this beautifully illustrated and thoughtful guide (this links to all of her books because I also frequently recommend Adultish: The Body Image Book for Life and Being You: The Body Image Book for Boys.)

Q: You’ve spent years studying body image and you’re also raising a daughter. Readers buy books not just when they’re interested in the topic but when they can trust the author. Can you tell us a little more about you? Was there a particular moment — as a researcher or a parent — when you realized girls needed a book like this?

A: A few moments converged. As a researcher and professor of psychology, I kept seeing the same pattern: body dissatisfaction shows up early and then quietly shapes so many parts of girls’ lives, including their health behaviors, their relationships, and how they treat themselves. As a parent, I realized how normal body talk is in our culture, and how quickly girls learn to monitor themselves like they’re being watched. I didn’t want to write a book that simply tells girls to “love their bodies.” I wanted a book that helps girls understand what’s happening to them developmentally, socially, and culturally, and gives them information that is empowering. I saw that reading books about puberty with my daughter interested her and allowed her to ask questions. I came to see that it was important to discuss these issues pertaining to not just physical development, but also psychological and identity development.

Q: This is an updated version of the book I loved and read with my own daughter. What changed in girls’ lives — or in your own understanding — that made a new edition necessary?

A: Girls’ worlds have changed dramatically. Social media isn’t just “media” anymore; it’s a constant mirror and a constant comparison machine. Appearance standards have also shifted in recent years with children buying skincare products and GLP-1s changing the conversation about weight loss. At the same time, I’ve learned more from readers, parents, and girls themselves about what they need in real life including practical ways to handle appearance pressure, comments, and comparison. The new edition includes information on not just social media, but more information about mental health and mental health treatment, intuitive eating instead of dieting, and the importance of body autonomy.

Q: The quotes from girls are strikingly honest, sometimes heartbreaking. How did you find these girls and was there anything that surprised you about what they said?

A: I recruited girls through typical research pathways (schools and community networks) and tried to create an environment where they could speak candidly. What surprised me wasn’t that girls had worries; it was how young they were when those worries began. Girls have A LOT of thoughts about their bodies and body images and are quite articulate about these issues at a young age. Their honesty can be heartbreaking, but it’s also clarifying. Girls are telling us exactly what pressures they’re under. Adults often underestimate how much they are feeling stressed about these issues.

Q: I found the advice from experts pithy and wonderful (not just saying that because I’m one of them!). How did you decide which experts to include?

A: I looked for two things: expertise and usefulness. I wanted people who have deep knowledge, and who can also offer concrete guidance a parent or girl can actually use. I also wanted a range of perspectives because body image isn’t one issue. It’s an interwoven set of issues pertaining to development, culture, gender, stigma, and mental health. I hope the experts introduce readers to other voices and that girls will read their work as well.

Q: Parents often think body image is about confidence or self-esteem, but you argue it shapes much more than that. What does poor body image actually change in a girl’s life trajectory?

A: Poor body image doesn’t just make girls feel bad; it makes them smaller. It can shrink their world. Girls avoid activities, clothing, social events, sports, even speaking up, because they don’t want to be seen. It fuels anxiety, depression, disordered eating, and perfectionism. When a girl is busy monitoring her body, she has less mental space for learning, friendships, creativity, and leadership. Her trajectory can shift and limit her opportunities. Body dissatisfaction quietly redirects time and energy away from living.

Q: What is one well-intentioned thing parents commonly say about bodies that backfires?

A: A big one is complimenting weight loss or physical activity, and praising thinness as “healthy.” Parents often mean “I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself,” but kids hear, “smaller is better,” and “my body is always under review.” Another common backfire is “Don’t worry, you’re not fat.” That tries to comfort but reinforces the idea that fat is the worst thing to be. The goal is to reduce the importance of body size in the first place.

Q: If a parent reads the book and remembers only one or two things when talking to a girl about her body, what should it be?

A: First, try to talk about bodies in terms of their functionality and the importance of caring for them. Shift attention from how bodies look to what bodies do. We don’t want girls at war with their bodies but using their bodies to live their life.

Second, do your best to be a “body-neutral” home base. That means fewer comments about your child’s body, your own body, other people’s bodies. It also means more focus respect, care, and function of bodies. When appearance pressure shows up, your job isn’t to argue your daughter into confidence; it’s to validate the pressure and teach her how to question it.