Gross and Embarrassing — Teen Girls’ Misconceptions About Their Periods

Parents can help dispel confusion and misinformation and alleviate the anxiety and shame some girls may feel about menstruation.

NOTE: This is a guest column I wrote for the Washington Post that I’m republishing here because it’s on point for this newsletter. Let me know what you think in the comments!

Guest column by Jo-Ann Finkelstein

August 3, 2024 at 7:00 a.m. EDT

When a 15-year-old girl I see in psychotherapy ended up in the ER with second-degree burns, she was embarrassed to tell me why. Eventually she disclosed having crouched over boiling herb-infused water during her period. TikTok taught her that periods were dirty and that a “yoni steam” would not only cleanse her, but ease her cramps.

This is just one of a slew of myths and wrong beliefs pushed on social media and by influencers on TikTok and elsewhere that young people seem to be absorbing.

Educating children about their bodies and how they change has become increasingly mainstream, but my patients often say periods are “gross.” Even for many parents and doctors, discussion of bleeding and vaginas feels taboo or uncomfortable, leaving young people uneducated about this basic biological process.

Some of the menstruation misconceptions are fairly innocuous, such as that periods sync when women spend time together, or that girls should not swim during their periods because they will get an infection or attract sharks. One avid eighth-grade volleyball player told me she had abandoned the sport with the onset of menses. She didn’t want to wear a pad, fearing it might leak, and had heard that jumping with a tampon could lead to losing it inside of her, ensuring death from toxic shock. Too shy to ask an adult, she had no idea that the vaginal canal ends at the cervix, which doesn’t open enough for a tampon to fit, and that toxic shock, although serious, is exceptionally rare.

As a clinical psychologist, I hear regularly about the shame and misinformation associated with vaginas and periods that lead to teasing, embarrassment and missed school days. Girls have told me about using “vagina mints” — like a Tic Tac to flavor your vagina — and menthol-infused pads, which supposedly provide “a more comfortable period.” But the message such products send is that vulvas smell bad, so girls use them like they would deodorant even if they dislike the feel. As one girl told me about the pads, “They burn like mad, but I’m not risking being putrid.”

Although my job when I hear these stories is to help girls understand their fears and the harmful messaging related to their periods, vulvas and, possibly, sex, I am also compelled to clarify the fact that vaginas are self-cleaning. Girls are often surprised to hear vaginas contain “good” bacteria that create a slightly acidic environment that inhibits the growth of “bad” bacteria. (Sometimes adult women don’t know this either until they go to the gynecologist for an infection and learn that even soap can upset the natural pH balance.)

Inaccurate information can have negative interpersonal and sexual consequences. A 13-year-old boy I treat whose mother had died when he was 11 had a panic attack when his twin sister first got her period. He imagined the uterus lining shedding all at once and resulting in profuse bloodshed and death, rather than happening gradually.

A disheartened 17-year-old boy told me he thought his girlfriend was losing interest because she used her period as “an excuse” not to have sex, saying she had cramps and a headache. He’d recently seen a TikTok “proving” that menstrual complaints were attention-seeking.

Sometimes the opposite happens: Symptoms are used as a way to dismiss girls’ legitimate feelings. A college freshman told me he’d angered a friend by loudly pointing out in a group gathering that blood had leaked on her pants. He sheepishly admitted to me that he should have been more discreet but added defensively, “She’s mostly pissed, though, because she’s on the rag.”

Some social media accounts like that of

Karen Tang, MD

, a gynecologist and author of It’s Not Hysteria: Everything You Need to Know About Your Reproductive Health (but Were Never Told), are on a myth-busting mission, helping girls understand not only that their symptoms are real, but also when they are suffering needlessly.

In an interview, Tang said, “People are told, even by their doctors sometimes, that severe pain, diarrhea or vomiting is normal, but it’s not. Misinformation leads to delays in diagnoses of serious conditions like endometriosis, premenstrual dysphoric disorder and polycystic ovary syndrome.”

Perhaps most worrisome is when I hear teens justify unprotected sex during their or their partner’s period, believing they cannot get pregnant.

But as Tang said, “Sperm can live in the body for up to five days, so if you have sex during your period but ovulate early, you can get pregnant.” She noted, too, that irregular bleeding and bleeding during ovulation, when it’s very possible to get pregnant, can make you think you’re having your period when you’re not.

As my clients have shown me, period myths affects kids of all genders and ages. Here are four ways parents can help dispel confusion and misinformation and alleviate the anxiety and shame some girls may feel.

Normalize menstruation: Boys learn that their reproductive abilities — including erections and semen — are a source of virility and pride, while girls tend to speak in embarrassed voices about theirs. For parents, normalizing periods means being open about them when you are buying menstruation products or when mom has cramps and about how pregnancy works. When your young child barges into your bathroom and wonders about that string between your legs, answer factually: “Mommies bleed a little every month to help them have babies, and this catches the blood.”

By the time your daughter is 9, before most girls have begun to bleed, make sure she knows what a period is. Not knowing what to expect can leave girls feeling anxious. Explain that when she goes through puberty, her ovaries release hormones, causing the lining of the uterus to build up so it is ready for a fertilized egg. When there is no fertilized egg, the lining breaks down and blood and other material are discharged through the vagina for several days or a week. She can expect her period to begin about two years after breasts start developing and six to 12 months after vaginal discharge begins. Explain that there are safe, easy options for managing periods — disposable pads, reusable pads, tampons, cloths, menstrual cups, discs and period underwear — and that when the time comes, you will help her find a product she is comfortable using.

Clarify what is and isn’t a normal period: Tang told me it’s important for girls to know that periods should not be awful. “If your daughter is missing school and activities because of period pain that even Ibuprofen and Tylenol aren’t touching, is changing pads or tampons more than every other hour, or emptying a menstrual cup more than every three-four hours, get them to a pediatrician. And if that doesn’t help, seek out a pediatric gynecologist.”

Experts say that for most girls, short walks, regular sleep, lots of water, a heating pad and some gentle over-the-counter pain medicine should bring relief.

Celebrate her first period: One way to reduce shame and instead honor womanhood is to mark a girl’s first period. Some people have mother-daughter parties or create a rite-of-passage “First Moon” ceremony to celebrate the step into womanhood. For my daughter, I created a period kit that included various period products, a wallet for holding pads, a pill box for pain relievers, a microwaveable heating pad, a tips-and-tricks sheet with important period information and, of course, chocolate.

At 15, she seems to have no shame or even self-consciousness around her period and can talk casually about it even in front of her father and brother. In contrast, I, like many girls, swore my mother to secrecy with regard to my dad and brothers.

Be explicit about the culture of shame around periods: You can explain that there’s a long history of periods being misunderstood or used to make girls feel like something is wrong with them and that they should be on the lookout for misinformation on social media. Direct them, instead, to reliable books such as “A Girl’s Guide to Puberty & Periods” by Marni Sommer, Margaret Schmitt, Christine Hagstrom and Caitlin Gruer or to websites like girlshelpinggirlsperiod.org and amaze.org. You can also ask your pediatrician or a therapist to broach the subject with them.

And remind them that targeting women for what is a natural and healthy bodily function constitutes discrimination. If they get teased, they might remind their teaser that periods are fundamental to the continuation of the human race. And make sure that the boys and men in the family understand the importance of having a positive and open attitude about periods.

Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD is a psychotherapist and author of the upcoming book “Sexism and Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World.”